Don’t Be Fooled by Fake Love

Beware of ego in love

Relationship problems are EGO problems. Marital problems are EGO problems. So the important thing is getting rid of ego! Ego has many disguises, but don’t be fooled. All that glitters is not gold. When people try to get what they want in selfish ways, it backfires. Ego love promises happiness and gain, but causes loneliness, hurt, alienation, disappointment, and heartbreak. Authentic happiness can never result from selfish living.

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Pseudo Love

COLLUSION

Presumed benefit: Pleasing loved ones/gaining their favor by satisfying their ego. Trying to make the relationship last by self-protectively avoiding confrontation.

Actual downside: Hurting the beloved by supporting destructive tendencies (tendencies which only undermine the relationship in the long run).

MANIPULATION

Presumed benefit: Getting what I (selfishly) want by sweet-talking, coercion, guilt-tripping, etc. Exerting control and dominance over the beloved immorally.

Actual downside: Lack of genuineness and real connection. Hurting the beloved’s heart. Creating ill will, distance, and distrust.

MARTYRDOM

Presumed benefit: Seeming virtuous, loving, and self-sacrificing even while neglecting higher virtues of love (vulnerability, sensitivity, responsiveness, attentiveness, etc.

Actual downside: A treadmill of fruitless effort with only exhaustion, disillusionment, alienation, and heartbreak to show for it.

UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT

Presumed benefit: The “security” of owning the beloved exclusively. Satisfying or fulfilling selfish, addictive desires.

Actual downside: Harvesting the bitter fruit of jealousy, hyper- control, and insecurity. Losing sight of the beloved’s best interests and feelings.

UNHEALTHY OBSESSION

Presumed benefit: Reaping huge rewards by means of intense focus on an object of desire.

Actual downside: Destroying one’s peace, losing a sane and loving perspective, alienating people.

PLEASURE TREASURE

Presumed benefit: To be gratified and satisfied. To enjoy pleasure or some other ego-appealing treasure.

Actual downside: Suffering the pain and desolation caused to oneself and others by unlove and greedy, self-indulgent living.

SELFISH SELF- INTEREST

Presumed benefit: Getting what I want (even at the cost of real love).

Actual downside: Sacrificing the beloved’s best interests and good will. Sacrificing rightness & self-esteem.

SHALLOW AGAPE LOVE

Presumed benefit: Appearing loving and enjoying minimal connection with people while avoiding the bigger, more beneficial challenges of close relationship.

Actual downside: Shallow relationships. Loneliness. Being under-nourished and under-nourishing. Never gaining real competence in loving.

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